I knew it was coming...I just wasn't sure when. The inevitable deployment time is here. When Nate first told me, I felt a dark resignation come over me. I didn't cry....at first. I got some details of what and how things are going to happen. The hard part was when I was alone. Not to be overly dramatic...but I felt for a moment that my world had been crushed. My chest got tight like it was trying to keep me from bursting. I felt worried about how I was going to handle it...being a "single parent" for 6 months. How Sam is going to react...no idea. I felt afraid of those lonely nights when my "happy I can do anything face" comes down and I face yet another lonely night staring at an empty bed. When I don't get to look forward to my best friend coming home from work every day. The loneliness of not being in his arms, seeing his smile, and hearing his laugh. Not being able to just hand over the baby after a long day for a brake...saying it's going to be hard is an understatement.
But after all this worrying and imagining worse case scenarios, I have gotten to a point where I hope all spouses, families and loved ones of military members can arrive. The realization that I want and need to make the most out of every moment and every day that we have together. To let go of the small things and instead of annoyance, patience. Instead of frustration, love. Instead of nitpicking, encouraging. Instead of the monotony of every day, doing little things that will make wonderful memories to hold on to when they are most needed. This will be a growing experience for all of us, for me. It is not the end of the world...though sometimes I have to remind myself of that. 
