Songs of my life

Most days, I have an ever playing soundtrack going on in my head.  Sometimes it has to do with how I'm feeling...but honestly most of the time it's just some random song from my past.  My mom sent me my old music I had in high school and college.  I was super excited and got out some of my old favorites.  Some about overcoming but mostly about finding love or how much trouble love was.  As I was playing and singing though, something had changed.  The songs that had meant so much to me then and had such a big impact on me, don't seem to as much anymore.  I then realized how much has happened to me since high school and college, just a few short years.  For a little while it was depressing, I felt lost...like I had grown out of my favorite dress or something.  The songs just didn't fit the same as they used to.  So now I have a new quest.  I get to find new songs.  Ones that fit the new me, and I like to think, the improved me.  I have been searching for a couple of days...nothing yet...but I'm hopeful.  And if I don't find anything that fits...maybe I'll have to compose some of my own.

To be a Mother

I'm not sure if anyone can truly understand the sacrifices made by their mothers for them.  So much is given up and put aside for the furthering of their children.  As a mother of two now, I am coming to realize all the many many things that I know my mother did for me and gave up for me and learning what I must give up now for my boys.  There are big sacrifices, like giving up dreams that you may have had but are now tucked away.  There are small sacrifices that you give up everyday just to make theirs better.  And it's worth it.  During this season of our Savior and a time of thanksgiving I want to say thank you.  Thank you to the mothers who give up everything, and nothing.  Because what we do give up, is overshadowed one-million fold by seeing our little ones grow up.  And hopefully grow up to be better than we were.  I also want to give a personal thank you to my own mother.  Who gave up so much for me.  Who stayed up late at night helping me with procrastinated school projects, dealing with silly drama issues at school, or just chatting.

  To be a mother is so much more than the world sees it as these days.  We have to be a little bit of everything. A nurse, a protector, a teacher, a counselor, a house keeper, an example, a comforter and more.  One of the greatest of my blessings is being a mother.  It's the most difficult, trying, exhausting job I have.  But it's the best job.  :)

Bryan Robert Guy

Well the Lord saw fit to bless our family with another little angel.  I had Bryan Robert Guy at 7:56am on Sunday morning on the 18th of September at the TMC.  We are both doing well and while the labor was about 15 hours...they were worth it.  Bryan is so sweet and smiles a lot in his sleep.  Sam (our other little man) is so sweet with him and gives his little brother lots of little pats and kisses on the head.  It's an exhausting thing to be a mother, but having my two sweet boys in my arms makes all the exhaustion and sacrifice worth it.  I'm getting anxious to get back in to some sort of routine and tame my messy house.  We are still moving in and there seems to be stuff everywhere, even with all the unpacking I've already done.  It's driving me nuts but my main focus right now is recovery and my little men.  One thing for sure, Heavenly Father has been with me and giving me the strength I need to handle all these crazy changes.  He has sent me so many amazing people in my life that have been a wonderful support system.  I'm so grateful for them all.

Brother cuddles :)

One step at a time

My sweetheart has returned home!!! It has been so wonderful to have him back and to be back together as a family,
 

Well, any ideas of returning to normalcy or a routine when we all got home have gone out the window. We found out that we got a place on base. But after we agreed to take the house and put in our 30 day notice at the apartment they called us back and pushed back our move in date. Now we only have a couple of days to move everything and get everything cleaned out. Normally it wouldn't stress me out as much...but as I am now 33 weeks pregnant and getting bigger every day, the thought of rushing to move everything is slightly overwhelming at this moment. The base did offer to pay for our move, which is amazing. But instead of waiting to buy things for the new place when we get there, we have been stock piling everything in our apartment for the extra weight. I feel like I'm living a moving war zone right now. Poor little Sam barely has a room right now because we have stacked most of the bags and boxes in his room.

On top of all the moving drama, my sister-in-law is getting married next week. Which I am sooo excited and happy for her. The drive up there, which is about 15 hours (not counting gas breaks and bathroom stops) is something I'm not looking forward to. Number one because I'm pregnant and just thinking about that many hours in a car makes me achy and number two because we have a 1 year old and I know he doesn't like being stuck in his car seat for more than a couple of hours. Usually I love taking road trips, but the current circumstances are crushing my enthusiasm.

My second little man is due the 19th of September. Then there will be two. Sam is a good boy, but he is definitely a hand full. I know many of other moms have gone before me and had kids close together, but it still seems like a very daunting task. I feel like I change a ton of diapers now... I am so blessed to have Sam and Bryan (new baby name) in my life and I know it will be worth it. I'm just worried on how I'm going to handle all the crazy. And I know my sweetheart will be here to help me, which is a great relief to me. 

I know I'm getting ahead of myself and worrying about things I cannot change. As usual, things will work out how they are supposed to. I just need to do better at focusing on the here and now with "doing what I can, with what i have, right where I am." I pray Heavenly Father will give me the strength to make it through the next couple of crazy months.
 

Standing Strong

I think to be a military spouse...you have to be made of tougher stuff.  Because watching the one you love walk away to the airport, knowing that you will not see them for months, is so very hard.  Even harder to handle is my aching heart and trying to keep it in check to be able to take care of my little angel.  He can't understand why dad doesn't come home at night.  He doesn't know why dad isn't there to play with and cuddle him.  Sometimes I feel so inadequate to be doing this.  I want to be what my little man needs...but I can't be everything....I will give him everything I have.  I pray that my hundreds of silent prayers will be felt by my love so very far away.  I miss him so much.  It is a very lonely bed without him.  It's hard to be without my husband, best friend, and wonderful father to our little Sam.  Friends and family have been amazing in supporting me and Sam.  Music has done wonders to calm my soul.  And every step of the way, Heavenly Father has been here patiently waiting for me to let down my walls, to let out the hurt, and let Him help me.  These next months will have lots of opportunities for growth...I pray I have the courage to face them head on and overcome. 

Confessions of an Air Force Wife

I knew it was coming...I just wasn't sure when.  The inevitable deployment time is here.  When Nate first told me, I felt a dark resignation come over me.  I didn't cry....at first.  I got some details of what and how things are going to happen.  The hard part was when I was alone.  Not to be overly dramatic...but I felt for a moment that my world had been crushed.  My chest got tight like it was trying to keep me from bursting.  I felt worried about how I was going to handle it...being a "single parent" for 6 months.  How Sam is going to react...no idea.  I felt afraid of those lonely nights when my "happy I can do anything face" comes down and I face yet another lonely night staring at an empty bed.  When I don't get to look forward to my best friend coming home from work every day.  The loneliness of not being in his arms, seeing his smile, and hearing his laugh.  Not being able to just hand over the baby after a long day for a brake...saying it's going to be hard is an understatement.  

     But after all this worrying and imagining worse case scenarios, I have gotten to a point where I hope all spouses, families and loved ones of military members can arrive.  The realization that I want and need to make the most out of every moment and every day that we have together.  To let go of the small things and instead of annoyance, patience. Instead of frustration, love.  Instead of nitpicking, encouraging.  Instead of the monotony of every day, doing little things that will make wonderful memories to hold on to when they are most needed.  This will be a growing experience for all of us, for me.  It is not the end of the world...though sometimes I have to remind myself of that.    

First time

So...I never thought I would get into the whole blogging thing.  But recent events of my life left me wanting an outlet, other than my journal, to vent out my thoughts...feelings...ideas...inspirations.  I'm usually a private person....so this will be an interesting experiment for me.  Here's to the future... :)